Ramblings of an idiot

13 years ago on Thanksgiving, I lost someone near and dear to my heart.  As I grew up, I told myself I want my boys to have everything they need to make them great men.  Not materialistic, but in their hearts.  I hoped to be half the parent my mom was.  Today unfortunately, our family suffered a loss and my boys have to live through that feeling that I did so many years ago.  I am still thankful, that my mother, as independent as I am, still can calm me, whether it be a single word or look.  I am grateful for all the sacrifice she made as a single mom.  I hear my middle son read, and though he struggles, I watch him try and glad he makes that effort.  I watch my oldest, knowing most of this is easy as pie, and proud when he says he likes his tough teacher because she challenges him.  I watch my rainbow, with the wide curious eyes of youth, trying absorb all the information the world can afford him. I watch my wife, with her eyes filled with sadness and regret, but pride and happiness a

The best gift you can give a parent who has lost a child.... is remembrance. 2 years of what-ifs.  2 years of should have been.  2 years of why.  I've had time to think, recall, and to remember.  I can recall holding that precious life that left entirely too early.  Cradling that body, hoping against hope that it was a bad dream.  That I'd blink, and it would be a bad dream.  I remember what people said.  The service, the tears.  A cold bitter wind at the cemetery. I sit here tonight, tears rolling down my cheeks in memory.  I know the pain doesn't leave.  I know my soul adapts.  It still hurts though.  That past 2 years have been sobering, hopeful, sad, and amazing (both good and bad).  Through tragedy, rises hope, like a phoenix. I am thankful for an outpouring of support, then and now. Now, through the storm clouds, the rain and despair, is a chance of hope.   For when the rain stops, a rainbow appears.  Hopefully, that stays true. M y Mommy is a Survivor  M