Ramblings of an idiot

On January 31, 2012, I met my wife for an emergency OB appointment.  She hadn't felt the baby move since early the morning in the shower.  Little did I know how much our lives and our whole mental make-up would change.  As the nurse hooked my wife up to the monitor, she tried to find the heartbeat.  She swore she heard it.  Another nurse came in, and then the dr.    After a few minutes, they said we should go to the hospital as a precaution.  Sugarcoating it, was putting it mildly.  That day, was the day a piece of me died.  A piece of my wife died. That day, I changed.  You don't know sadness until you have to tell someone your baby died.  That you have to explain to a then 6 year old that mommy WON'T be coming home with a new baby.  There is guilt, fear, anger, and sadness.  You have a wife who STILL feels guilty, though in her heart she knows it's not her fault, her brain can't fathom that and she blames herself.  You have helpless nurses and dr's, just s

In the last year, it has been a year of reflection.  Looking in the mirror, and seeing more and more of what I didn't like, literally.  I noticed by body was certainly in shape, round.  Seriously, I felt horrible looking at myself.  I decided to make a change.  Unfortunately at the same time, the bottom of my sales dropped out and my paychecks and incremental spending also went.  I couldn't afford it.  So, everyday I made myself disgusted looking at myself in the mirror, still indulging in the same stupid eating habits while feeling sorry for myself.  So, when it came to Christmas, and my grandmother yelling at me because I didn't ask for anything, I said "You can get me a gym membership." To make a long story short, she did.... the end...Ok, that won't work because I going to bore you with MORE details. I decided to pace myself at a reasonable pace.  3 days a week.  1 to 1 1/2 hrs a week.  I started off simple the first day, it was 20 minutes on treadmill

From Wikipedia The Second Amendment ( Amendment II ) to the United States Constitution is the part of the United States Bill of Rights that protects the right of the people to keep and bear arms . It was adopted on December 15, 1791, along with the rest of the Bill of Rights. The Supreme Court of the United States has ruled that the Second Amendment protects an individual right to possess and carry firearms. [ 1 ] It seems that everyone is up in arms lately, no pun intended.  Comparing Obama to Hitler.  Saying the Sandy H ook tragedy was either staged and completely fake, or that it was set-up by the govern ment.  Seriously?  Really?  Wh ile I don't agree with the president on a lot of the fis cal issues, I don't see any effort to take away guns, I just see more regulations.  Of course, the real problem isn' t truly addressed nor does these actions trul y prevent another mass shooting.  Let's look at some of this possible exec ut ive orders. Provide law en

This blog has been an outlet for me the last few weeks.  Of course, no-one has really seen the last few pieces I wrote as I wrote them, and then deleted them for public consumption.  However, a new year brings new resolutions.  A new clarity I suppose.  It means a new start, though the next month is painful and sad.  Upcoming memories of past moments.  February will be especially tough.  Again, I find myself cynical of people and their motives.  I doubt that will change.  There are things that do change though.  Personal behavior.  Once again, I am going to the gym.  Trying to get myself in a better shape and state of mind.  Maybe a better body will give me a better self image.  Maybe not, but worth a shot.  This biggest change, is this though.  The blog.  I had stopped really 'writing' after college.  I had a cheap blog type page before, filled with inane nonsense and stupid posts on it.  I vaguely tried to cater to people, thinking those nice page hits meant popularity. I w