Ramblings of an idiot

Every year, I go all out and decorate our lawn.  Blow-ups, lights, figurines.  The whole shebang.  Even did our inside porch with a small tree and light-up deer.  Had to use the neighbors yard for lights after they gave us a wooden Santa sled about 3 1/2 feet tall and about 6 feet long.  I ended up in half of their yard, my side yard and my front yard.  I used spotlights on things to help the process.  It had to be planned out and spaced to maximize space and outlets.  We've even had people come by our house, year to year to see what new stuff we had.  Granted my front yard is pretty small, so it was an adventure This year, as of this moment, it's plain.  No lights, just the grass that's always a standby.  I'm just not inspired to make the effort to do this project, no matter how it looks.  It's even hard to listen to christmas music, which I usually love.  I wear my Santa hat proudly from Black Friday to Christmas Day, but it's still in storage.  This year, t

1 :  I eat every vegetable except peppers, though I will eat roasted red peppers or jalapenos in dishes 2 :  I am a Superman and Batman fan, and a mild comic book geek 3 :  I still watching professional wrestling and yes, I know it's fake 4 :  I am a die-hard Mets fan 5 :  I am a big fan of Meatloaf, the singer 6 :  I am a converted country rock fan 7 :  I  listen to sad depressing music, and it makes me feel better 8 :  I use humor to cover up stress and anxiety that I feel 9 :  I used to write sports articles for the local town newspaper 10 :  You just read this for no apparent reason but to appease my ego... Thank you Just remember, your opinions are more than welcome, good and bad.  They are, as a matter of fact, appreciated because it helps me get better, or focus on what I need to improve on. On a serious note, especially with #8.  Those who know me, or just found this blog, or read it because I shamelessly plug (Again, thank you) know my family suffere

Do you remember when you TRULY lost your innocence?  By that, I mean, when you realized your own mortality.  Most of us had a some sort of pet growing up, that we lost.  Yes it stung, and we cried.  However, it didn't punch us in the gut, making us think about our own lives.  That, usually was a family member. I remember when my grandfather died.  I remember being sad, but I wasn't sure I truly understood it at the time.  I have my memories, but I had no idea how hard it was on anyone else.  I don't think I had a true grasp on what finality death truly is.  I remember a time my great grandmother had a stroke while I was at my grandmother's house.  That, put a spark of fear into me.  I remember her funeral, the open casket, the tears.  Again though, she had lived her full life.  Death was for when you got old. Then in high school, I lost classmates, in a car accident.  People my age.  That's a stark reality staring at you straight in the face.  Scary yes.  Did I

The mind and body are a strange thing.  You look at something and have a total different perception than what the person standing right next to you does.  The same for when you look in the mirror.  All of us have skeletons, demons, fears, and shames.  If you don't, you are either lying or just too stupid to know what I'm talking about. When you look at yourself, when you reflect inside, they come bubbling to the surface, like some annoying blemish.  Most people can only stare at their imperfections and flaws.  I know I'm guilty of that too.  This goes along with that opinion post I had a few days ago.  No matter what people say, you still have that self image. There are different reflections based on different aspects or events in life.  The most common reflection I like to think of, is the lake view.  You stare into a lake, and see yourself staring back at you.  A small change happens, new friends, a new car.  If you drop a pebble, your reflection changes.  It eventual

It's a hard thing, no pun intended, to understand why men seem the need to show off or boast.  Some do it by revving up that car, and speeding along a road.  Others try to hit on anything with a pair of boobs.  There are those who use more hygiene products than a drug store carries, and has that orange glow fake tan.   Last night was a guys night out.  While it was only 3 of us, we seemed to revel in it.  I usually feel the need to get the maleness out after my group therapy session for our bereavement group.  I always feel drained emotionally and physically.  It usually repairs my soul and for a moment, makes me think it might be ok. This time, however, I went out the week before.  Maybe if I load up on the testosterone before hand, I won't feel so drained afterwards.  Perhaps its just my hopeful fools wisdom.  The one thing is nice, as it was when I went to dinner with my wife, is just pure adult conversation.  No real work conversation, just random stories, drinks, and

Sometimes it's brutal honesty.  Other times, it verifies the thoughts in your head.  We all react differently to it.  I was asked an opinion of something today, and when I gave it, I was told how wrong I was and I didn't understand.  That's fine, but if you didn't want my answer, on how it appears, then why ask?  In the end result, I felt like a bad guy, even if I only said what I was thinking.  I'm sorry if my opinion is not what you wanted, or if I'm wrong.  I gave my opinion on facts that I knew. I may be wrong, which isn't first time nor will it be the last.  I can only go on what I know.  On another hand, I made a comment to a friend of mine, and she gave me a brutally honest assessment of it (which happened to be quite in favor of me) but then I shrugged it off, because I didn't believe it.  I didn't intentionally mean to solicit this opinion, but perhaps I was by my phrasing.  I am usually one of the most self deprecating persons that I kno

Whether you agree with the election or not and who won, now it's time to address crucial issues.  While I fear time for discussion is far too late, and I think the country is WAY too divided for any real progress, an attempt must be made. 2nd coming of a recession This is scary stuff.  And while I agree our society needs a lot of social changes, we have a responsibility to be fiscally responsible for my children and yours.  Just under the new healthcare laws starting to take effect (full effect by 2014) I'm paying almost $600 more, which is just about a 30% increase.  Take in effect, inflation of only 2%.    Not accounting that the mandate for insurance would put more undue pressure on a struggling small business.  To cover additional expenses in costs for employees by forcing the business to provide coverage means either a) a raise in price to the consumer or b) laid off employees by businesses that can't afford to lay out that extra money Then this.. "But if

With today being election day, and of course the inevitable discussion of Roe v. Wade, my mind wandered.  I honestly didn't have too many thoughts about the subject before.  Whether I agreed with it or not, I never had to think about making that decision.  I can see abortion in the cases of rape, incest, mother/child health or birth defects. Now, after losing a child via stillbirth, I thought long and hard about it.  Meeting people who've lost their only child.  The pain and suffering they go through.  I recall a person from my past, who's gf got an abortion I believe at 19, because she didn't want to be a mother.  My only thought now, that is so selfish.  There are so many parents in this world who want a child, who can't have one.  Who've lost one to due premature birth, stillbirth, miscarriage, SIDS.  I understand its a woman's body.  They have their right to choose. My other pondering is those who are or were in favor of abortions, have they changed

A long time ago, I used to post online.  I was fairly successful for what I was trying to accomplish.  However, the demands of my time became way too much for me.  I was immature at best and stupid at worst.  Life has evolved. Society has become worse and better in aspects.  I'm married, own a house, in a career now.  I have 3 children, 2 boys and a girl whom I've had to bury.  My perspective has changed.  9 months and 4 days ago, my wife and I lost our baby.  9 months ago tomorrow, we buried her.  Tomorrow is also the election.  I've been voting for 16 years now.  My political ideologies are vastly different from idealistic youth of 18.  My opinion shouldn't matter to you, nor who I like or dislike.  No matter who you like or dislike, just vote. Exercise your rights, and respect everyone's opinion and rights, even if they differ from yours. I'm not trying to influence anyone. I hope you have made an informed decision and not made it based on hearsay a