Reflections

The mind and body are a strange thing.  You look at something and have a total different perception than what the person standing right next to you does.  The same for when you look in the mirror.  All of us have skeletons, demons, fears, and shames.  If you don't, you are either lying or just too stupid to know what I'm talking about.

When you look at yourself, when you reflect inside, they come bubbling to the surface, like some annoying blemish.  Most people can only stare at their imperfections and flaws.  I know I'm guilty of that too.  This goes along with that opinion post I had a few days ago.  No matter what people say, you still have that self image.

There are different reflections based on different aspects or events in life.  The most common reflection I like to think of, is the lake view.  You stare into a lake, and see yourself staring back at you.  A small change happens, new friends, a new car.  If you drop a pebble, your reflection changes.  It eventually comes back to the true you.  Overall, you are still the same person, though it may take a while to come back to it.

The other reflection I feel is the mirror.  You can stare in that mirror, crystal clear clarity, every glaring imperfection staring RIGHT back at you.  Then you drop that mirror, and it shatters.  No matter what happens, no matter how you put it back together, it's never the same.  There is always that little piece missing, forever scarring your view.  A crack or chip.  Most people can look over that little bit, dismiss it and see the big picture.

Right now, my heart, my reflection is missing that piece.  My family is missing that piece.  Right now, that piece is staring down at me from heaven. Watching over us, trying her little heart to keep us safe.  I understand that, but I know I will always see that piece missing.  I can't replace it.  I don't want to either.  That flaw in that reflection is mine.  My chip to bear so to speak.  I know my imperfections, my fears and flaws.  I know they hold me back.  This flaw though, empowers me.  It drives me in a way.  It makes me want to cry, to sob at times, quite honestly.  That chip in that mirror, I'm not ashamed of it.  I want to scream to the world, "Don't forget about her."  Even in death, I want her legacy to be life.  To show others that you can live after a tragedy like this.  Do not be ashamed, it wasn't your fault.

I want someone to look at me, and see what I see, a flawed human person, who's lucky enough to have an angel on his shoulder.

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