A genuine smile

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Tonight, I smiled a genuine smile.

For the first time in I can't remember when.  I saw in pride, my oldest realize his potential in his own eyes.  His self confidence growing.  I see my two others, growing and changing.  All in good ways.  Smiling without fear.  The tension behind the scenes leaving them.  I felt true love and friendship from someone, a true soul to soul connection I've never felt.  Free, comfortable to be myself, support and not judgement.

I also saw pain.  From someone who's connection to me is growing.  However, I also felt trust.  Willing while in that pain, this young man still let me reach out to him.  To hesitantly let me support him.  And I felt hope.   And I smiled because that trust is also amazing.

And I got hugs from sweet little girls.  One of these girls is afraid to be picked up.  Yet she likes to hold on to my arm and be lifted, swinging like a monkey.  And the other, she has that need to be heard.  Maybe the middle child syndrome.  Delicate inside.  She asks me if I'm dating her mother.  And I said yes kind of.  And her response, "I'm okay with that."  And wouldn't leave my side.  I ended up with 5 kids who all wanted to hold my hand.  And I felt love.

And then another lonely night, dropped kids off.  Watched some Netflix.  And I heard a song at the end of a show.  Charlie Puth's "One call away"  I thought of someone in particular.  And all of the feelings came into my mind.  And I smiled.  That genuine smile.  And as I reflect on the last 15 months, I feel hopeful, loved, while I lost a lot in my "close circle", I have new appreciation for those in it now.

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