I refuse...

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The old me would have taken down my words.  Afraid of offending someone or causing everlasting issues.  Again, that was the old me.  The old me .... sounds weird saying that.  That old me was ripped apart, changed 13 months ago.  Right now, I say, I am NOT SORRY for what I said before.  Those were my feelings.  I was and am hurt over what happened.  This blog is a way for me to release my feelings so they don't take me over and eat me up inside.  If what I say before hurts feelings or bothers, than maybe self reflection is in order.  The hardest critic is always the one in the mirror.  If I've made you think or contemplate the other side of the coin, then I thank you letting me do that.  Yes I know some of these posts are hard to stomach.  Some are raw, some are nonsensical.  Again, refer to the title of the blog.

Sometimes, I have a hard time saying how I feel.  Worried how it comes out.  I have more pain and anger in me that I had before.  I am trying to deal with it.  I can't change any of my past.  It has made me who I am, good and bad.  I can't take the memories away, whether they are recent or of years ago.  I can't erase that.  Whether people want me to or not, it's not that easy.  I'm very grateful to have a good support network of my parents/grandparents/co-workers/extended family and friends.

I have bared my feelings inside small rooms with groups of people I now call friends.  I have met hundreds of people with similiar stories to mine..  I've shed tears, to myself, to friends.  I've spoken my written words to people I've never met before.  My body shook but I did it.  I've found an inner strength that I NEVER knew I had.  But I'm still human, with a fragile pysche at times.  I refuse to feel guilty for hurting feelings.  I refuse to feel selfish for baring my pain, even if it interferes with your life.  I may have never walked in anyone else's shoes, but they haven't walked in mine either.  These are my words, my life, my pain, joy and misery.  If you don't like it, don't read it. 

Comments

  1. TeenaMarch 25, 2013 at 6:29 PM

    I am SO happy to read this. GOOD for you!!!! Do not regret, take down anything, or feel bad for finally expressing your feelings.

    ReplyDelete

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