Mothers to an Angel (and other mothers allowed)
A day of tears, a day of cuteness. A day of memories, good and bad. A day of finding each other, remembrance, and love. Mother's day. Where we honor our mothers, those still with us, those gone. Where as mothers look at little ones and grown ones, thinking of past days. There are brunches, dinners, cards, flowers, and gifts.
I didn't get to see my mother this mother's day weekend though, it's for reasons beyond control. There was an emergency with my grandfather, and my mom is helping my grandmother with that. Rest assured, I do miss that opportunity and do love them both very much. Mom and Nana, you are my heroes, my best friends growing up. Thank you for making me the man I am and father I aspire to be. <3
Though, I feel a twinge in my heart for those who are suffering today. Some very dear friends of mine. Some recent, some who've I feel like I've known for ages. My heart today, suffers with you. You are a mother, though your angel isn't here. As soon as you felt that life inside you, you are a mother. You were willing to sacrifice. You had dreams, hopes, ideas, and visions. You had plans. Now you feel empty. You may hide inside today, laying in your bed crying. If that's what you need to do, do it. You might venture out, put on that brave face and look around, your exterior all stoic. You do what you need to do. Tomorrow or today, whenever you read this, don't feel guilty. It's your day too. Don't feel guilty if someone doesn't know what to say, that doesn't matter. YOU DO. You felt the inital joy from being pregnant, and now you know more sadness than most will in life.
I can't make it go away for you, and for that I'm sorry. I know your families/friends/significant others feel the same way. They also don't know what to say. Odds are, they'll either ignore your past in the fear of hurting you. Please, don't be mad at them, they don't know how to act on this day, especially if it's your first Mother's Day. I know it's hard, and you want it to pass. I promise it will, though it won't be easy. It may take all your strength to get out of bed. Just remember, you have the support of many friends and angels, willing to help you stand. Tears are allowed. Visits to cemeteries, memorial boxes opened, all part of this never ending process of grief. I'm not going to sugarcoat how this feels. Quite frankly, it sucks. While us fathers get our turn next month, it never hurts us as much as it hurts you. And trust me, we feel guilty over that too.
Even if the bravest thing you do, is get up out of bed and say "dammit, I'm a mom too." Happy Mothers Day to you too.
I leave this blog with 2 quotes. One is quite long, it was a column run by Erma Bombeck about mothers being created by God. That is the 2nd one. The first one was a column she wrote a few years before her death. It's more appropriate to the above mothers, but I leave both for your reading. Judge me how you may, but please, don't judge the mothers
But it's also a day of appreciation and respect. I can think of no mothers who deserve it more than those who had to give a child back.
When the Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into his sixth day of “overtime” when an angel appeared and said, “You’re doing a lot of fiddling around on this one.”
And the Lord said, “Have you read the specs on this order?
“That’s on the standard model?” asked the angel.
The Lord nodded. “One pair that sees through closed doors when she asks, ’What are you kids doing in there?’ when she already knows. Another here in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn’t but what she has to know, and of course the ones here in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and say, ’I understand and I love you’ without so much as uttering a word.”
“Lord,” said the angel, touching His sleeve gently, “Go to bed. Tomorrow...”
“I can’t,” said the Lord, “I’m so close to creating something so close to myself. Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick... can feed a family of six on one pound of hamburger... and can get a nine-year-old to stand under a shower.”
The angel circled the model of a mother very slowly. “It’s too soft,” she sighed.
“But she’s tough!” said the Lord excitedly. “You cannot imagine what this mother can do or endure.”
“Can it think?”
“Not only can it think, but it can reason and compromise,” said the Creator.
Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek. “There’s a leak,” she pronounced. “I told You You were trying to push too much into this model.”
“It’s not a leak,” said the Lord. “It’s a tear.”
“What’s it for?”
“It’s for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness, and pride.”
“You are a genius,” said the angel.
The Lord looked somber. “I didn’t put it there,” He said.
I didn't get to see my mother this mother's day weekend though, it's for reasons beyond control. There was an emergency with my grandfather, and my mom is helping my grandmother with that. Rest assured, I do miss that opportunity and do love them both very much. Mom and Nana, you are my heroes, my best friends growing up. Thank you for making me the man I am and father I aspire to be. <3
Though, I feel a twinge in my heart for those who are suffering today. Some very dear friends of mine. Some recent, some who've I feel like I've known for ages. My heart today, suffers with you. You are a mother, though your angel isn't here. As soon as you felt that life inside you, you are a mother. You were willing to sacrifice. You had dreams, hopes, ideas, and visions. You had plans. Now you feel empty. You may hide inside today, laying in your bed crying. If that's what you need to do, do it. You might venture out, put on that brave face and look around, your exterior all stoic. You do what you need to do. Tomorrow or today, whenever you read this, don't feel guilty. It's your day too. Don't feel guilty if someone doesn't know what to say, that doesn't matter. YOU DO. You felt the inital joy from being pregnant, and now you know more sadness than most will in life.
I can't make it go away for you, and for that I'm sorry. I know your families/friends/significant others feel the same way. They also don't know what to say. Odds are, they'll either ignore your past in the fear of hurting you. Please, don't be mad at them, they don't know how to act on this day, especially if it's your first Mother's Day. I know it's hard, and you want it to pass. I promise it will, though it won't be easy. It may take all your strength to get out of bed. Just remember, you have the support of many friends and angels, willing to help you stand. Tears are allowed. Visits to cemeteries, memorial boxes opened, all part of this never ending process of grief. I'm not going to sugarcoat how this feels. Quite frankly, it sucks. While us fathers get our turn next month, it never hurts us as much as it hurts you. And trust me, we feel guilty over that too.
Even if the bravest thing you do, is get up out of bed and say "dammit, I'm a mom too." Happy Mothers Day to you too.
I leave this blog with 2 quotes. One is quite long, it was a column run by Erma Bombeck about mothers being created by God. That is the 2nd one. The first one was a column she wrote a few years before her death. It's more appropriate to the above mothers, but I leave both for your reading. Judge me how you may, but please, don't judge the mothers
But it's also a day of appreciation and respect. I can think of no mothers who deserve it more than those who had to give a child back.
When the Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into his sixth day of “overtime” when an angel appeared and said, “You’re doing a lot of fiddling around on this one.”
And the Lord said, “Have you read the specs on this order?
- She has to be completely washable, but not plastic;
- Have 180 movable parts... all replaceable;
- Run on black coffee and leftovers;
- Have a lap that disappears when she stands up;
- A kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointed love affair;
- And six pairs of hands.”
“That’s on the standard model?” asked the angel.
The Lord nodded. “One pair that sees through closed doors when she asks, ’What are you kids doing in there?’ when she already knows. Another here in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn’t but what she has to know, and of course the ones here in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and say, ’I understand and I love you’ without so much as uttering a word.”
“Lord,” said the angel, touching His sleeve gently, “Go to bed. Tomorrow...”
“I can’t,” said the Lord, “I’m so close to creating something so close to myself. Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick... can feed a family of six on one pound of hamburger... and can get a nine-year-old to stand under a shower.”
The angel circled the model of a mother very slowly. “It’s too soft,” she sighed.
“But she’s tough!” said the Lord excitedly. “You cannot imagine what this mother can do or endure.”
“Can it think?”
“Not only can it think, but it can reason and compromise,” said the Creator.
Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek. “There’s a leak,” she pronounced. “I told You You were trying to push too much into this model.”
“It’s not a leak,” said the Lord. “It’s a tear.”
“What’s it for?”
“It’s for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness, and pride.”
“You are a genius,” said the angel.
The Lord looked somber. “I didn’t put it there,” He said.
Beautiful words.
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