Ramblings of an idiot

I know about Good Friday being the day of Jesus being crucified.  I also know Easter being the day He has risen.  However, is Easter truly a holiday?  I ask because of recently reading a shared status of what paganism and Easter have in common.  It made me think (which as people know, can be dangerous)  In the interest of full disclosure, most know I am a Sunday School teacher with the United Methodist Church.  I am also a cub scout leader with the Methodist church being our charter organization. On to our thought provoking blog (hopefully) It seems to be universally recognized that Jesus of Nazareth was born on December 25.  Born from a virgin, a teacher, and ordered to death by Pontius Pilate.  However, upon reading more, that may be a little off also.  Apparently the western civilized christian celebrated on 12/15 and the eastern christian felt Jan 6 was the birthday.  Irregardless of the date, it eventually was immortalized as 12/...

The old me would have taken down my words.  Afraid of offending someone or causing everlasting issues.  Again, that was the old me.  The old me .... sounds weird saying that.  That old me was ripped apart, changed 13 months ago.  Right now, I say, I am NOT SORRY for what I said before.  Those were my feelings.  I was and am hurt over what happened.  This blog is a way for me to release my feelings so they don't take me over and eat me up inside.  If what I say before hurts feelings or bothers, than maybe self reflection is in order.  The hardest critic is always the one in the mirror.  If I've made you think or contemplate the other side of the coin, then I thank you letting me do that.  Yes I know some of these posts are hard to stomach.  Some are raw, some are nonsensical.  Again, refer to the title of the blog. Sometimes, I have a hard time saying how I feel.  Worried how it comes out.  I have more pain...

For the most part, I don't hold them.  Not worth the time or effort.  Doesn't mean I forget, just not worth the space in my head.  Over the last year, I tried to contact old acquaintances from high school.  I won't say friends because truthfully, I don't have any friends from high school.  I tried to mend fences of those I've crossed in life.  I looked at my past, current, and future.  I looked back at the last 13 1/2 months.  I go back to that one singular week that forever changed my life.  And I hold 1 grudge.  1 major grudge. When M-Jay passed, there was an outpouring of support.  More people than I could ever think of reached out, to try to help, to send condolences or just to lend a shoulder to lean on.  People I barely knew.  People I knew years ago.   People I recently met.  However, there were 3 that didn't reach out at all.  Sam.  One of the bridges I burned at the behest of someone....

This blog will be filled with random opinionated thoughts.  You might get offended.  I don't care but please don't bitch.  Your opinion can be recognized if formulated in an reasonable statement.  Otherwise, fuck off (and I mean that in the nicest possible way) On the radio today, I heard a statement from of all people, a sports commentator.  It gave me pause, and made me stop and listen.  This man, who is usually full of vitriol, said quite simply "As a black man, in the sports community, I have to wonder when we start taking responsibility for what we have become and stop blaming the world."  This statement though isn't just a blanket statement for the black community.  It can be used to describe the any class or ethnic person in this country.  Every one blames the world for what they have or don't have.  It's someone else's fault if they don't get what they want.  Politics is just grandstanding.  No-one gives a shit about ...

Reflection is of order.  On February 18th, we held a memorial service for our little girl, our angel.  On that day, we packed a church.  That day, people poured out of the woodwork, people we NEVER expected.  Also a ton of emails, texts, and phone calls from people who wanted to be there for us, but couldn't.   It gave me pause.  It also clarified, or magnified the people who WEREN'T there, who made no effort.  That by far, was the hardest speech I EVER gave. (though December's candle lighting was a close 2nd).  I'm more grateful for things I have, and less patience with others.  I have no use for baseless drama or stupidity.  I'm grateful for people like Dawn, Eliss, Katie, Mary, Tosh, Meghan, and countless others I don't mention (even when they don't smack me for bringing it into the gutter).  I have an incredibly understanding boss who has shown to be willing to bend over backwards for me if I'm down in the dumps.  My wife...

On January 31, 2012, I met my wife for an emergency OB appointment.  She hadn't felt the baby move since early the morning in the shower.  Little did I know how much our lives and our whole mental make-up would change.  As the nurse hooked my wife up to the monitor, she tried to find the heartbeat.  She swore she heard it.  Another nurse came in, and then the dr.    After a few minutes, they said we should go to the hospital as a precaution.  Sugarcoating it, was putting it mildly.  That day, was the day a piece of me died.  A piece of my wife died. That day, I changed.  You don't know sadness until you have to tell someone your baby died.  That you have to explain to a then 6 year old that mommy WON'T be coming home with a new baby.  There is guilt, fear, anger, and sadness.  You have a wife who STILL feels guilty, though in her heart she knows it's not her fault, her brain can't fathom that and she blames h...

In the last year, it has been a year of reflection.  Looking in the mirror, and seeing more and more of what I didn't like, literally.  I noticed by body was certainly in shape, round.  Seriously, I felt horrible looking at myself.  I decided to make a change.  Unfortunately at the same time, the bottom of my sales dropped out and my paychecks and incremental spending also went.  I couldn't afford it.  So, everyday I made myself disgusted looking at myself in the mirror, still indulging in the same stupid eating habits while feeling sorry for myself.  So, when it came to Christmas, and my grandmother yelling at me because I didn't ask for anything, I said "You can get me a gym membership." To make a long story short, she did.... the end...Ok, that won't work because I going to bore you with MORE details. I decided to pace myself at a reasonable pace.  3 days a week.  1 to 1 1/2 hrs a week.  I started off simple the first day, it...