A parenting plea

-

One of the hardest things one can do is make the decision to leave a situation. Especially when children are involved.  The decision can be made for various reasons.  Regardless of anything, the kids should be the most important factor in decisions

You may hate your ex.  You may be angry and hurt.  Perhaps scared or don't want to let go.  I know I get afraid and scared at times.  I question all I do.  However, this is about something else.

This part is now addressed to certain people who will remain nameless.  I'm sure they will never see this,  and if they did, I hope they understand that this is not an attack or being malicious.

Anger does no-one any good.  Pettiness does no-one any good.  No matter the reason for the fights, whether money, ego or pride, does no good for these kids.   They don't care about what we think of each other or what you think of your ex.  They want to be loved.  They want to feel safe.  Talking about your ex just confuses them.  They love both parents.  Pitting them against the parents does so much harm.  You take them out of the place they feel so safe and disrupt their routine.

The kids need stability.  They need to know when they see mom or dad.  They need to know that we are on the same page when raising them even if apart.  Rules stay the same in both houses.   Communication occurs.

You don't have to like your ex.  But wouldn't you rather move on?  The kids see the anger you harbor.  What kind of kids do we want to raise?  Ones that think it's ok to be angry and vindictive?   That it's ok to say things mean about someone you once loved.  You did love them for a reason, right?

For these 2 people, I ask you look past the petty issues.  It's time to heal.  That's what the kids need.  Healing.  Stability.  Love.  They don't care who did what or who pays what in support.  They want to know if they want to do something like scouts or football or basketball, they can.  That there will be dinner every night. That they can play with their best friend and not worry about mommy or daddy being upset.

The money paid isn't a way to screw the ex.  It's a way to provide for the kids for the essentials and so their life doesn't change too much.  Would I love to have more money in my pocket?  Sure, everyone does.  But I want to make sure regardless of the holes in my socks or the jeans ripping, that my boys get first.  When we cook dinner and they want friends, that all those kids eat.  I'll find some scraps later. 

It's all about the kids.  So I ask those who this is meant for, can we take the time to heal?  Stop looking back.  Not for you or me or anyone else, but just for those miracles of life.  Whether it's 4 months or 15 months, there is no better time than now.   Our kids deserve it.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The aftermath...

-
*Just a disclaimer here.  If I use your name, and you don't want me to, drop me a private line either on text or facebook.  I'll change the names of the innocent, so to speak.  Also, I use this as a forum for my thoughts in my mind.  Sometimes it takes minutes to do a blog, sometimes hours, and sometimes days.  While I might clean up the sentences and grammar to look acceptable, they are 100% of my raw emotions and feelings.  Yes, that might be too strong for some, but I'm not catering to anyone.  Yes, I appreciate feedback and advice.  If it goes with what I'm trying to do, I might even take it.* Last night, was the Memorial Candlelight service at Good Samaritan.  It was, quite frankly, an emotional, sad, happy, crazy draining night.  It continues the road that we started on February 1, 2012.  One I never thought possible, that I never thought we would survive, and thanks to people like Mary Radatovich, we are slowly pulling th...
Read more

A quiet strong hero

-
Image
Gracious support above fear, above rage, and above sadness.  That shows a true moral compass of someone.  I have the pleasure, though for a short time, to know Mary Radatovich.  She helps countless parents, like Belinda and myself, cope with the struggling effects of infant loss and bereavement.  For those who know her, she is like an angel sent down.  She has been where we were and survived.  She gives us hope for those suffering now. Right now though, she is suffering.  Unfortunately, a dear friend of hers was affected by the Newtown, CT tragedy.  A young boy she knew personally was struck down, tragically by the shooter at Sandy Hook Elementary.  There could be more, I don't know.  From all I hear, it was a close knit community.  I'm sure she is struggling, as the whole community is, with the loss and the end of the innocence.  Yet I see the NY Daily News covering this story.  I see Mary right there, at someones side....
Read more

Randomisity

-
1 :  I eat every vegetable except peppers, though I will eat roasted red peppers or jalapenos in dishes 2 :  I am a Superman and Batman fan, and a mild comic book geek 3 :  I still watching professional wrestling and yes, I know it's fake 4 :  I am a die-hard Mets fan 5 :  I am a big fan of Meatloaf, the singer 6 :  I am a converted country rock fan 7 :  I  listen to sad depressing music, and it makes me feel better 8 :  I use humor to cover up stress and anxiety that I feel 9 :  I used to write sports articles for the local town newspaper 10 :  You just read this for no apparent reason but to appease my ego... Thank you Just remember, your opinions are more than welcome, good and bad.  They are, as a matter of fact, appreciated because it helps me get better, or focus on what I need to improve on. On a serious note, especially with #8.  Those who know me, or just found this blog, or read it because ...
Read more