A parenting plea

One of the hardest things one can do is make the decision to leave a situation. Especially when children are involved.  The decision can be made for various reasons.  Regardless of anything, the kids should be the most important factor in decisions

You may hate your ex.  You may be angry and hurt.  Perhaps scared or don't want to let go.  I know I get afraid and scared at times.  I question all I do.  However, this is about something else.

This part is now addressed to certain people who will remain nameless.  I'm sure they will never see this,  and if they did, I hope they understand that this is not an attack or being malicious.

Anger does no-one any good.  Pettiness does no-one any good.  No matter the reason for the fights, whether money, ego or pride, does no good for these kids.   They don't care about what we think of each other or what you think of your ex.  They want to be loved.  They want to feel safe.  Talking about your ex just confuses them.  They love both parents.  Pitting them against the parents does so much harm.  You take them out of the place they feel so safe and disrupt their routine.

The kids need stability.  They need to know when they see mom or dad.  They need to know that we are on the same page when raising them even if apart.  Rules stay the same in both houses.   Communication occurs.

You don't have to like your ex.  But wouldn't you rather move on?  The kids see the anger you harbor.  What kind of kids do we want to raise?  Ones that think it's ok to be angry and vindictive?   That it's ok to say things mean about someone you once loved.  You did love them for a reason, right?

For these 2 people, I ask you look past the petty issues.  It's time to heal.  That's what the kids need.  Healing.  Stability.  Love.  They don't care who did what or who pays what in support.  They want to know if they want to do something like scouts or football or basketball, they can.  That there will be dinner every night. That they can play with their best friend and not worry about mommy or daddy being upset.

The money paid isn't a way to screw the ex.  It's a way to provide for the kids for the essentials and so their life doesn't change too much.  Would I love to have more money in my pocket?  Sure, everyone does.  But I want to make sure regardless of the holes in my socks or the jeans ripping, that my boys get first.  When we cook dinner and they want friends, that all those kids eat.  I'll find some scraps later. 

It's all about the kids.  So I ask those who this is meant for, can we take the time to heal?  Stop looking back.  Not for you or me or anyone else, but just for those miracles of life.  Whether it's 4 months or 15 months, there is no better time than now.   Our kids deserve it.