Just tired

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On this normal 3rd Friday night of the month, we would be at group.  Baring our souls to others who've had the same pain or some variation of it.  This Friday is different, for many reasons.  Our leader, would only be there in spirit.  Our souls are torn due to tragedy, and overwhelmed with sadness.  My wife and I were unable to attend, due to circumstances beyond our control.  So I sit here, listening and watch youtube videos, most of slightly sad music.  My wife is relaxing in bed, trying not to cough up a lung.  My rugrats are watching Nick Jr and enjoying the yo-yo's bought at school.

I sit here, lost in thoughts and reflections, like the Ghost of Christmas past.  I find life very frustrating at the moment.  Sales are slow, tempers are high.  People don't think, and when they do, they don't think about people.  I've found my fuse a shorter lately dealing with people.  I feel selfish comparing any pain I have to those who've suffered Newtown, CT.  Regardless, I still have it.  I have that empty feeling, that no matter what, isn't filled.  I do look forward to seeing the boys' faces on Christmas Eve and morning.  I wish I could have done more for them, for my family with gifts.  I just don't have the resources or energy this year.  If you're looking for meaningful or inspirational writing in this one, nope.  I'm spent physically and mentally.  I need a break from road rage, angry people, politics, fiscal cliff, gun control, sadness, tears, and sickness.  Overall, I'm burnt out.  I'm tired of fighting it all.  Call me stupid, call selfish.  I don't care.  I do know though, tomorrow I'll get up.  I'll fight the same fight again.  I'll fight it everyday.  It's just me, I can't give up, even if I want to.


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